Thursday, 16 November 2017

Could she have sensory processing disorder?

OK, So for the past couple weeks it's just been me and miss madam, while RD stays at my mums and as I've had more time to focus just on her I've observed a few things. Now I've always known she's quite gifted and is very advanced academically, but I've also realised she has zero common sense, which has always frustrated me as I just couldn't understand how such an intelligent child could literally be so clueless (sorry not clueless but I can't think of a nicer word to explain it) Now I've spoken to some other mums who have children who are the same as Cali and they gave me lots of things to look up. So after a bit of research I' now wondering if Cali has some kinda sensory disorder.
So here's just a few of the things I've observed that have led me to believe this:

She's very sensitive to certain sounds

Like she'll happily watch her movies up loud but any other kinda noise at that same volume she just can't take.

She's very sensitive to the feel of things
For ages I've been struggling to get her to wear tights, even to school in the cold she'd insist on socks, yet outside of school, happily wear leggings. Then I found out she can't deal with the feeling of the foot part of the tights on her toes. I then cut of the feet off all her tights and she now happily wears them

She's not affectionate
If you're lucky enough to get a hug she will only hug with one side of her body, never a full hug with her whole body and forget about kisses and I love you's.

She shows no emotion
She doesn't cry, maybe once in a blue moon will this child cry. She's never really happy or sad, mostly just indifferent. She'd not affected (or doesn't react to) whats going on around her immediately. Although she will have an opinion on worldly issues.

She struggles to smell things

Particularly her own scent when she is sweating. Which is weird because she'd the whole reason why she went doctors and started wearing deodrant from when she was in reception, because she noticed that she was sweating and would be really upset about the smell. But now she doesn't care and can't seem to tell.

Socially awkard

She used to be the most social outgoing child ever, but now she's soooo stoosh. She mostly doesn't wanna talk to people and when she does she has no real communication skills and will happily turn and ignore anyone who acknowledges her. She doesn't like to carry conversations on with people. When she passes friends outside of school and they're all excited to see her she'll either turn the other way and pretend she hasn't seen them (even though they've called to her and said hello) or she'll happily walk past (unless I notice the friend and tell her to say hi then she'll maybe grunt a hello at them)

She also doesn't seem to get how she'd being offensive to people and doesn't care or understand your thoughts or feelings.

She still can't tell the time.... although she can...
This is a bizzare one because I taught her how to tell the time years ago I think when she just started school (shes year 4 now) then her school taught her the time in year 1 I think then I followed up with telling the time again. So she knows how to tell it, she just doesn't care to tell the time. Even the other day RD was trying to teach her how to tell the time and she didnt want to listen to him because she feels she's so intelligent and above everyone someone like RD could not possibly teach her something. Which is another problem. I keep explaining to her look mummy was very clever at your age but just because you're super clever it doesn't mean everyone else is thick and you can't learn from them.

Always has to win
Even if there's no race and no one in competition with her and when there is she will literally fight you and mash up herself to be first. When she doesn't win it affects her for weeks, like even if she gets 1 less than a perfect score on a spelling test that ruins her whole life.

Fixated on one thing only

Also I've realised when I explain things to her she just doesn't take it in because she's so fixated on one thing that she can't take anything else into her brain. But then that could literally just be a child thing lol

Lying and Stealing
Now I know kids lie, but this child lies about everything like shes a teenager. I can watch her do something and she will swear blind she didn't and want to argue about it. I also keep finding things missing and realised she'd been taking things then hides them in her room (or looses them) and she doesn't necessarily want or need them she just takes them. When I've asked her why she says 'I just can't help myself' which is a bit concerning....
So now I'm here wondering what's going on. I don't think it's a phase as it's been going on for a while now and has been getting worse as she gets older. I'm really trying to understand her and whats going on but I'm wondering if there's something that a professional needs to look into or if its just a kid thing,or if its a personality thing or a genetic thing as her dad is exactly this same way. Actually I believe her dads bi polar, but we won't get into that right now lol

Monday, 25 September 2017

What is going on with these bloody kids?!

OK, So I've been away for a bit, I think life and my bloody hardears pickney dem got in the way for a bit. Oh how I hate summer holidays. I would absolutely love over 6 weeks with my kids literally up underneath me if I was rich and was jetting off to some fancy exotic location and staying in some luxury hotel with a fantastic kids club. But no, *insert crying emoji, not the tear drop one either, the bawling one* But now the school terms started back and life is semi normal (well as normal as it can be in my yard) so I thought let me get a blog post in, plus, I have some child related stuff to rant about.
So Miss madam Cali... actually No let me start with both of them (cuz I have a long rant about that one) For some reason they both seem to have regressed ridiculously. It's almost like they're toddlers again, when they're actually closer to 8 and 9. Like when they were toddlers they never went digging in the cupboard under the sink and tried to eat washing up liquid or swallow the bleach in the bathroom or pull down too many fuckeries. But now OMG they're always in something, they do so really dumb/dangerous/unbelievable things. Now their little cousin had an experience with an open window.. so I'm very very anal about them flipping the latches and opening the window wide. So what do they do, not only open the window wide but lean out and shout down to their friends. I' always like ARE YOU TRYING TO DIE!!!! 

They're also now troubling the cleaning products I keep beside the toilet, actually let me just make a list of the stuff they're doing
1. Squeezing toothpaste on the wall
2. Walking out of their clothes and leaving them in a trail (apparently Im their maid and will pick it up, they NEVER used to do this)
3. Troubling things in the cupboard under the sink
4. Sneaking chocolates (that I put up very high) in their room then allowing it to melt under their pillow then waking up with it everywhere
5. Not sleeping at night as apparently their bedtime is 10pm
6. Eating food and simply throwing the wrappers or remains on the floor
7. Refusing to brush teeth or shower, I have no clue how they think they're not gonna get forced to do both...
8. Writing on walls
9. Messing up literally everywhere and when I say to tidy they make an even bigger mess which makes me loose my mind

Oh and the best one after breaking my Wii they dropped my TV out their bedroom window.

They have both been on punishment for a week, Calis has been extended to 2 as shes waaaay too rude and spiteful for my liking and I'm determined to make her change her stink attitude. 
OK Now onto Miss madam OMG is this child rude, she thinks me and her (and every adult) are size (if you're not Caribbean that basically means she thinks shes grown and on my level) She backchats, she goes out of her way to try make you look stupid either with her actions or a smart ass comment, she likes to try argue with you. Shes super spiteful (but then so is her dad) horrible to RD and very manipulative. She's not nice to you unless she wants something from you. She happily ignores everyone including her friends when they say Hi, she will blatantly just not talk to you.  She'll cut you off and talk over you and basically be a grumpy little shit, at one point I even gave her a bly thinking she may be due to start her period cuz I started mine really early. Oh and you can't tell her what to do apparently because she feels she will do what she wants when she wants. She also likes to kick off with the grandparents when they tell her No.
Recently shes been acting like a proper entitled spoilt brat and the joke is I don't even spoil her my bloody parents do, especially my dad. So all last week and this week I've been working with her to correct her behaviour because it's just not gonna fly with me. The thing is she doesn't get away with anything with me, yet she still tries it anywayz. It's proper draining but she is gonna change.
Like I said it's been a week so far so she has one more week to go but today she behaved, spoke nicely and actually smiled (this child is always moody) and gave me a morning hug and she actually demonstrated manners without me screaming WHAT DO YOU SAY?!lol
But yes this is what's been taking up all my energy

 Oh the joys of single motherhood.....

Monday, 15 May 2017

Feeling a bit lost

So last week I started this kinda wellness course. It’s actually really good so far, it’s a good group of women too. We are given a life coach, nutritionist, fitness coach and help with training/employment. But since we’ve been discussing what we would love to do with our lives or what our dream job would be it’s made me think I actually don’t know what I wanna do. Now this scares me, that I’m 34, a mother of 2 and have no clue what I wanna do with my life.
Now I’ve always wanted to be a writer and always imagined having best sellers and my books made into movies. OK let me tell you the dream... OK, so I would release a new novel each year and would live in a beautiful boho beach house in Barbados and would sit on my swinging chair on my veranda, rum punch at my side and just write my next novel. But since that doesn’t seem to be happening I’m like what else do I wanna do?
Obviously I love blogging as I get to write whatever I want and if you follow me on instagram you will know I’m totally obsessed with hair, but making hair videos for YouTube kinda quenches that thirst. But the whole being a published author thing just doesn’t seem to be happening and I’m now at the point where it’s like, what do I do now? Obviously I want the kids to be proud of me and I wanna do something I really love and I’m super passionate about, but what else do I love?
I dunno, I literally sit down everyday and think OK I have a degree in not 1 but 2 things, I’ve never used it. All I’ve done is have kids and let’s face it, you don’t a degree to do that. I just kinda feel like I’m drifting in a world full of people who are living their dream and I’m just here like..blah... and being broke while feeling blah. Oooooooh like what am I actually doing. I often sit and contemplate the meaning of life.

But the good thing about this course I’m on is that they try to empower you so that you can believe in yourself and do what you want to do and all the resources are there to help you achieve your dreams, so we’ll see I guess.... But still, what am I doing with my life...

Wednesday, 26 April 2017

Nottinghill Carnival::Costume Wishlist

So carnival season has started and you guys know how much I love carnivals and Soca music and this year it seems like all of the bands have really stepped up their game making it almost impossible to pick one band to jump with as all the costumes I've seen so far are amazing.

 Here's some of the costumes I'm loving for Nottinghill carnival:
Chocolate Nation

Island Mas 

Trinity Design Collective
Also as the carnival band leaders know times are hard, most have introduced a cheaper costume option called Fun Mas. This can be either a t shirt with hot pants or a simple leotard so people who can't afford a glamorous expensive costume can still be a part of it. 

Now I've done fun mas before and I loved this costume:

When I wore this in 2013 there was only a couple of bands offering this cheap/affordable option now fast forward 4 years and a lot more are including this and even making the costumes a bit more fancy  which is great when you're a single mum and can't justify spending a months rent on a beautiful costume that you will only get to wear once. 
Here's some cute fun mas costumes I found for this year:
RDR D Riddim Tribe

Island Mas

Wednesday, 22 February 2017

Don’t worry it’s just eczema....Oh sorry it’s actually Scarlet Fever

So RD was quite ill a couple weeks ago. He had what seemed like a bad cold and kept complaining of a sore throat. Because he also had 2 back teeth coming through I thought it was all linked to that. Then a rash appeared on his face and very quickly spread to the rest of his body. Now I recognised the rash as I’d had the exact same thing in December when I went to Barbados, it’s horrible and feels like sandpaper, but I just assumed it was a combination of a bad heat rash and my body reacting to the fact that I was quite run down.
So as I’d had the rash I knew how to treat it and mixed up the same cream I used on myself which included Hydrocortisone, Bepanthan and Aloe Vera gel. I then dabbed calamine lotion all over him. So as the days went on the rash started to spread even more and was looking inflamed, especially around the groin area, that’s when I was like, OK, this is a lot worse than mine, he needs to go doctors.
So because I couldn’t wait a week or two for an appointment we went as walk in patients where I was told by both a nurse then a doctor that it was just eczema. So they gave me a cream to bathe him in and said he was fine to go into school on the Monday (as I’d had him off school for a couple days the week before) So on the Monday something wasn’t sitting quite right with me and I knew it wasn’t eczema but didn’t know what it was. So I did what anyone would do... googled it :) which is when it started sounding like he actually had scarlet fever. So I took him back to the doctors where a different doctor confirmed immediately that he had scarlet fever and shouldn’t be at school.
So the doctor gave RD antibiotics and we had to wait 24 hours before he could go back to school but I kept him off school for a few days just to be on the safe side. The antibiotics kicked in quite quickly and he got better but once the rash cleared, peeling and flaking started, especially around his groin area, it looked terrible and the sight of it really upset RD (as you know how much boys love their penis lol) The peeling then continued for another week while I continued to bathe him in a special cream and cream him with some kinda steroid cream that the doctor prescribed.
What really annoys me is how a doctor can misdiagnose such an obvious illness, like if I would’ve left it RD could’ve got really sick and had serious complications. Another thing that pisses me off is the fact that I’m now thinking that Cali had it back in November (although it didn’t spread as much as RD’s) and once again the doctor said it was simply eczema. So because it wasn’t treated, I probably caught it from her in December then probably passed it to RD.

It’s mad! I know doctors are overworked and underpaid but I already don’t trust them because they’ve misdiagnosed me on very serious potentially dangerous things and they’re continuing to do it. I think as a mum you know your child and most of the time your gut feeling is normally correct so never be afraid to disagree with a doctor or to demand a second opinion or referral.

Wednesday, 8 February 2017

Life, Death, Kids

So in December we lost our teenage cousin to a brain tumour which then forced me to have the talk about life and death with the kids. Now both Cali and RD knew she was ill, but I couldn't tell them she had a tumour as I too have a tumour and the kids are very smart and would've joined up the dots and then be worried that I'm going to die next. So I explained it as her having a very painful and dangerous headache that made her very sick. I also let them follow her journey  as she went out to the States to a specialist children's hospital to get Proton Beam treatment.
Now as morbid or pessimistic as it sounds I kinda knew she was gonna die, so I started preparing the kids for it, so that when it actually happened her death wouldn't be a huge shock or scare them. I explained that sometimes god likes to give people their angel wings early so they can fly up to heaven and help God out up there. So they understood that dying young/getting your wings early can happen and isnt a horrible punishment for being bad. So when my cousin did eventually pass I simply sat the kids down and said to them She's been given her angel wings and RD's response was:
'Mummy I'm glad she got them early, because it means that she was a really really nice person if god wanted her in heaven with him'
Although they understood and dealt with the news well, I did wonder how they would deal with going to their first funeral. So once again I explained exactly what can happen at a funeral to prepare them for it. But the one thing I didn't prepare them for was me crying. Now I'd told them that some people may be sad or crying but I guess I never said I would be one of those people. Now the kids have never seen me cry or be that sad before (because I make a point to never cry in front of them) so when we reached the funeral they both had completely different reactions. RD was very sad and concerned and comforted me when I cried. Cali was just shocked, because she's never seen me cry so was baffled as to why I was so upset. Now Cali is a very disengaged child anyway so it was no real shock that she didn't really care about what was going on. But RD really experienced the funeral (if that makes sense) although we aren't Catholic RD still wanted us to go up and receive a blessing, he also made sure he looked in the open coffin as he wanted to see what she would look like, because obviously he's never seen a dead person. 
Once at the graveside Cali refused to go anywhere near anyone's grave, but RD was determined to see everything and made sure he threw a rose on her coffin and although he was too small to shovel earth on the grave he made sure he still took a handful of dirt and sprinkled it on the grave. Then stood right at the front with my deceased cousins sister and aunties. 
When we arrived back at the church hall for the wake I hardly saw RD as he went straight in the kitchen to help and then cleared up at the very end and checked that my auntie (deceased cousins mum) was doing OK and wasn't too sad which I thought was lovely.
I'm glad I brought them to the funeral and that they now know a bit more about the circle of life. Because if my cousin (who the kids absolutely loved) didn't die I wouldn't have any real reason to explain death to them or it may have been harder to explain without having an example or scaring them and I guess it's not something you really think about until it actually happens to someone close.
So now RD carries my cousins funeral programme everywhere with him as he said he wants to keep her near and he loves the fact that he now has his own special angel looking out for him.