Monday, 15 May 2017

Feeling a bit lost


So last week I started this kinda wellness course. It’s actually really good so far, it’s a good group of women too. We are given a life coach, nutritionist, fitness coach and help with training/employment. But since we’ve been discussing what we would love to do with our lives or what our dream job would be it’s made me think I actually don’t know what I wanna do. Now this scares me, that I’m 34, a mother of 2 and have no clue what I wanna do with my life.
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Now I’ve always wanted to be a writer and always imagined having best sellers and my books made into movies. OK let me tell you the dream... OK, so I would release a new novel each year and would live in a beautiful boho beach house in Barbados and would sit on my swinging chair on my veranda, rum punch at my side and just write my next novel. But since that doesn’t seem to be happening I’m like what else do I wanna do?
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Obviously I love blogging as I get to write whatever I want and if you follow me on instagram you will know I’m totally obsessed with hair, but making hair videos for YouTube kinda quenches that thirst. But the whole being a published author thing just doesn’t seem to be happening and I’m now at the point where it’s like, what do I do now? Obviously I want the kids to be proud of me and I wanna do something I really love and I’m super passionate about, but what else do I love?
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I dunno, I literally sit down everyday and think OK I have a degree in not 1 but 2 things, I’ve never used it. All I’ve done is have kids and let’s face it, you don’t a degree to do that. I just kinda feel like I’m drifting in a world full of people who are living their dream and I’m just here like..blah... and being broke while feeling blah. Oooooooh like what am I actually doing. I often sit and contemplate the meaning of life.
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But the good thing about this course I’m on is that they try to empower you so that you can believe in yourself and do what you want to do and all the resources are there to help you achieve your dreams, so we’ll see I guess.... But still, what am I doing with my life...

Wednesday, 26 April 2017

Nottinghill Carnival::Costume Wishlist


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So carnival season has started and you guys know how much I love carnivals and Soca music and this year it seems like all of the bands have really stepped up their game making it almost impossible to pick one band to jump with as all the costumes I've seen so far are amazing.

 Here's some of the costumes I'm loving for Nottinghill carnival:
Chocolate Nation

Island Mas 

Trinity Design Collective
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Also as the carnival band leaders know times are hard, most have introduced a cheaper costume option called Fun Mas. This can be either a t shirt with hot pants or a simple leotard so people who can't afford a glamorous expensive costume can still be a part of it. 

Now I've done fun mas before and I loved this costume:

When I wore this in 2013 there was only a couple of bands offering this cheap/affordable option now fast forward 4 years and a lot more are including this and even making the costumes a bit more fancy  which is great when you're a single mum and can't justify spending a months rent on a beautiful costume that you will only get to wear once. 
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Here's some cute fun mas costumes I found for this year:
RDR D Riddim Tribe
UCOM 

Island Mas



Wednesday, 22 February 2017

Don’t worry it’s just eczema....Oh sorry it’s actually Scarlet Fever


So RD was quite ill a couple weeks ago. He had what seemed like a bad cold and kept complaining of a sore throat. Because he also had 2 back teeth coming through I thought it was all linked to that. Then a rash appeared on his face and very quickly spread to the rest of his body. Now I recognised the rash as I’d had the exact same thing in December when I went to Barbados, it’s horrible and feels like sandpaper, but I just assumed it was a combination of a bad heat rash and my body reacting to the fact that I was quite run down.
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So as I’d had the rash I knew how to treat it and mixed up the same cream I used on myself which included Hydrocortisone, Bepanthan and Aloe Vera gel. I then dabbed calamine lotion all over him. So as the days went on the rash started to spread even more and was looking inflamed, especially around the groin area, that’s when I was like, OK, this is a lot worse than mine, he needs to go doctors.
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So because I couldn’t wait a week or two for an appointment we went as walk in patients where I was told by both a nurse then a doctor that it was just eczema. So they gave me a cream to bathe him in and said he was fine to go into school on the Monday (as I’d had him off school for a couple days the week before) So on the Monday something wasn’t sitting quite right with me and I knew it wasn’t eczema but didn’t know what it was. So I did what anyone would do... googled it :) which is when it started sounding like he actually had scarlet fever. So I took him back to the doctors where a different doctor confirmed immediately that he had scarlet fever and shouldn’t be at school.
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So the doctor gave RD antibiotics and we had to wait 24 hours before he could go back to school but I kept him off school for a few days just to be on the safe side. The antibiotics kicked in quite quickly and he got better but once the rash cleared, peeling and flaking started, especially around his groin area, it looked terrible and the sight of it really upset RD (as you know how much boys love their penis lol) The peeling then continued for another week while I continued to bathe him in a special cream and cream him with some kinda steroid cream that the doctor prescribed.
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What really annoys me is how a doctor can misdiagnose such an obvious illness, like if I would’ve left it RD could’ve got really sick and had serious complications. Another thing that pisses me off is the fact that I’m now thinking that Cali had it back in November (although it didn’t spread as much as RD’s) and once again the doctor said it was simply eczema. So because it wasn’t treated, I probably caught it from her in December then probably passed it to RD.
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It’s mad! I know doctors are overworked and underpaid but I already don’t trust them because they’ve misdiagnosed me on very serious potentially dangerous things and they’re continuing to do it. I think as a mum you know your child and most of the time your gut feeling is normally correct so never be afraid to disagree with a doctor or to demand a second opinion or referral.

Wednesday, 8 February 2017

Life, Death, Kids

So in December we lost our teenage cousin to a brain tumour which then forced me to have the talk about life and death with the kids. Now both Cali and RD knew she was ill, but I couldn't tell them she had a tumour as I too have a tumour and the kids are very smart and would've joined up the dots and then be worried that I'm going to die next. So I explained it as her having a very painful and dangerous headache that made her very sick. I also let them follow her journey  as she went out to the States to a specialist children's hospital to get Proton Beam treatment.
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Now as morbid or pessimistic as it sounds I kinda knew she was gonna die, so I started preparing the kids for it, so that when it actually happened her death wouldn't be a huge shock or scare them. I explained that sometimes god likes to give people their angel wings early so they can fly up to heaven and help God out up there. So they understood that dying young/getting your wings early can happen and isnt a horrible punishment for being bad. So when my cousin did eventually pass I simply sat the kids down and said to them She's been given her angel wings and RD's response was:
'Mummy I'm glad she got them early, because it means that she was a really really nice person if god wanted her in heaven with him'
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Although they understood and dealt with the news well, I did wonder how they would deal with going to their first funeral. So once again I explained exactly what can happen at a funeral to prepare them for it. But the one thing I didn't prepare them for was me crying. Now I'd told them that some people may be sad or crying but I guess I never said I would be one of those people. Now the kids have never seen me cry or be that sad before (because I make a point to never cry in front of them) so when we reached the funeral they both had completely different reactions. RD was very sad and concerned and comforted me when I cried. Cali was just shocked, because she's never seen me cry so was baffled as to why I was so upset. Now Cali is a very disengaged child anyway so it was no real shock that she didn't really care about what was going on. But RD really experienced the funeral (if that makes sense) although we aren't Catholic RD still wanted us to go up and receive a blessing, he also made sure he looked in the open coffin as he wanted to see what she would look like, because obviously he's never seen a dead person. 
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Once at the graveside Cali refused to go anywhere near anyone's grave, but RD was determined to see everything and made sure he threw a rose on her coffin and although he was too small to shovel earth on the grave he made sure he still took a handful of dirt and sprinkled it on the grave. Then stood right at the front with my deceased cousins sister and aunties. 
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When we arrived back at the church hall for the wake I hardly saw RD as he went straight in the kitchen to help and then cleared up at the very end and checked that my auntie (deceased cousins mum) was doing OK and wasn't too sad which I thought was lovely.
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I'm glad I brought them to the funeral and that they now know a bit more about the circle of life. Because if my cousin (who the kids absolutely loved) didn't die I wouldn't have any real reason to explain death to them or it may have been harder to explain without having an example or scaring them and I guess it's not something you really think about until it actually happens to someone close.
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So now RD carries my cousins funeral programme everywhere with him as he said he wants to keep her near and he loves the fact that he now has his own special angel looking out for him.