Friday, 30 October 2015

Team Bikini Body


So this picture was taken in 2013 while I was on holiday in Barbados celebrating my 30th birthday. This was my favourite bikini. I just loved the palm trees and the colours, to me it was like the ultimate holiday bikini. Now this bikini doesn't even nearly fit and when I have tried to squeeze into it my whole life hangs over the top of the bikini bottoms and the bra is just too tight to even do up. 
The crazy thing is, I thought I looked like a beach whale in this picture. At the time I felt that I was at my biggest. Clearly when I thought that I didn't realize how big I would be now.
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So as I'm planning an exotic beach holiday next year, my goal is to be able to fit back into this bikini and not just fit in it, but look damn good in it too. I used to keep a picture of myself in a bright pink bikini on a beach in Jamaica as my motivation, but those times I was very early 20's and hadn't had kids yet, so I don't even know if my new mummy body can even look like that anymore. So at least this bikini picture was taken after I'd had both kids so I know it's achievable and who knows I met get so into it and loose even more weight which is a bonus.

I was a size 14 in that picture and now I'm a size 18, so now I need to loose 2 dress sizes and for health reasons I also have to loose at least 3 stones. I've been forcing myself to exercise every night, even if I'm knackered. I have also cut down on the late night snacking as that's really what was fucking me up. Also because of my tumour I'm now on 2 sets of tablets that are supposed to help with weight loss so if I still manage to gain more weight with all this extra help then I've really fucked myself over.
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But I neeeeeed to do this, a lot of my pretty clothes don't fit and I refuse to buy any new clothes when I have lots of cute clothes. I know I've said this like a billion times before but I need to loose weight!!!!

Thursday, 29 October 2015

Does your hairstyle determine who you attract?

OK so I don’t normally do this, but I saw this picture on Instagram and thought I’d so a post on it, because it’s so true. Now as someone who constantly changes their hair and I can totally relate to this.
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As I’m sure you’re aware black women's hair comes in various different states. So picture A would be some form of coloured extensions, while B would be her hair in it’s natural state with no colours or chemicals.
Now this is the same girl with the same face and same personality (unless of coarse she has multiple personalities...) so why would she attract a different kind of guy dependant on her hair? Well this is what I’m going to explore based on my experience.
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So my hair tends to either be cute girly shoulder length curls with a subtle hint of green (that’s not on purpose I always aim to make it an outrageous green but it never comes out that bright) or Marley twists with bright neon green hair and I find I attract completely different men dependant on my hairstyles.
I remember years back in my late teens/early 20s having an extra long straight ombre blonde weave, (yes hard to imagine) and I found a lot of younger white guys started to talk to me and would literally stop their cars in the middle of a busy South London Road just to tell me how good I looked. I also got a lot of stereotypical White van guys whistling at me.
When I have my curly hair I get a lot of young black guys coming to chat to me. Yet when I have my hair in brightly coloured twists I get a lot of older white men stopping me to tell me how beautiful I am and actually trying to chat me up, which is always quite interesting...
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Now the only reason I can think of that I’m attracting completely different kinds of men dependant on my hair is aside from each mans personal preference is that I’m someone who loves to accessorize and I’ve been known to plan a whole outfit around a hairstyle, so I dress a little different or wear different accessories and makeup to ‘match’ my new hairstyle, so I guess I am packaging myself completely different although I am the same person and don’t act any differently according to my look.
But one thing that baffles me is why is it that I attract older white guys with multicoloured twists , but they don’t look twice when I have my curls and similarly with young black men why do they love the curls but are not the slightest bit interested in my colourful hair...
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So going back to the original picture of why her hair would attract a different guy, I feel it’s all to do with packaging. Just like any other ‘product’ depending on how it’s packaged will essentially determine who buys into it.

Saturday, 24 October 2015

Cuba... maybe...


So after trying to do Euro Disney on a budget and it going... well tits up, I decided I will stick with my all inclusive holidays with the kids. So recently I’ve been thinking about Cuba as an option for our next adventure. The foods good, the weathers nice, beaches look pretty and we all get to learn about the Cuban culture while practising our Spanish. Also the kids would love all the colourful houses and RD would love all the vintage cars out there as well as the music because we all love to shake a leg. 
I remember maybe 10 years ago everyone was going to Cuba or Dominican Republic as there were always really good deals to go all inclusive, but I wasn’t really interested in it back then just because everyone was going so I didn’t want to. But now it’s definitely a place I wanna look into.
Also going all inclusive to a family friendly hotel in Cuba means I would have the added benefit of lots of kids activities at the hotel so we all feel like we’ve had an enjoyable holiday and as long as the kids are entertained and there’s yummy cocktails there that’s all that really matters :)

Friday, 23 October 2015

Worst Airport in the world!!!!

A survey on 26,297 travellers was carried out by The Guide to sleeping in airports and Nigerias Port Harcourt International airport in Africa was voted as the worst airport in the world. Now I remember I used to watch a docu-series about a Nigerian Airport years ago and it was soo bad and peoples luggage were always getting stolen by porters and airport staff and they really struggled to control it and so many people were in on certain things it was so corrupt. So its no suprise that those same voters thought that it should also win an award for the most corrupt airport in the world too.
I actually used to wanna go to Nigeria just to see it for myself and see if it really was as corrupt as people made it out to be, but with virtually no seating, broken air conditioning and a tent for an arrivals hall; there's
no way me and my kids will be visiting there anytime soon.
But if you are still looking to book your next holiday, you may also wanna stay away from the rest of these airports who also made 
The Worst list:

      Port Harcourt International Airport (Nigeria)
     King Abdulaziz International Airport (Saudi Arabia)
     Tribhuvan International Airport (Nepal)
     Tashkent International Airport (Uzbekistan)
     Simon Bolivar International Airport (Venezuela)
 Toussaint Louverture International Airport (Haiti)
 Hamid Karzai International Airport (Afghanistan)
   Tan Son Nhat International Airport (Vietnam)
    Benazir Bhutto International Airport (Pakistan)

Beauvais-Tille (Paris)

Thursday, 22 October 2015

Take me away

At this time of the year when the weather starts to get a bit random it makes me feel like I need a holiday (even more than usual as I always feel like I need a holiday) I really could do with being on a beach in a bikini and with my rum based cocktail (yes I’m very particular with my cocktails) and my pen and pad (cuz I’m oldschool and can’t be creative and think and type at the same time) just lounging and writing. That kinda view is so inspiring and that’s the kinda life I crave. 

Wednesday, 21 October 2015

Plane spotting in St Maarten

If you’re really into your plane spotting or are a closet aviation geek like me an amazing place to go is Princess Juliana International airport in St Maarten in the Caribbean, as it’s known for planes flying low as they come in for landing. Now by low I mean extremely low, so low that you can see the planes details very clearly. The airport is very close to Maho Beach and it’s at this beach that a lot of people gather just for the experience. It really does have to be seen to be believed. But at much as I love planes I think that might be a little much for me...

Tuesday, 20 October 2015

Winter Street Feast

After enjoying Street Feast in London during the summer I was excited to see that a new winter Street Feast would be opening in Canada Water at the end of this month and will be on every Friday and Saturday. Unlike the summer Street Feasts at open air venues in Shoreditch, Dalston and Lewisham the winter venue Hawker House is actually in a warehouse, which makes a lot of sense seeing as it’s not summer anymore so you would need a venue that shields you from the great British weather that we all love so much... Seriously the end of October cant come soon enough. I’m really looking forward to hanging out with my girls, getting some tasty food and some amazing cocktails.

If you haven’t heard of Street Feast I did a post on it here

Monday, 19 October 2015

Poetry

So I used to love writing poems when I was younger it was kinda my form of therapy. If I was going through something I'd always write a poem to help me deal with the problem. So I came across this one that I wrote maybe 10 years ago when I was really depressed about my weight, as I was really fat before I had Cali then managed to slim down to a size 12 just before I got pregnant. I think this poem sums up exactly how I feel at the moment about my weight.
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Afraid of the dark 

Feeling insecure,
Stray thoughts float around my head as
I try to sleep.
What’s disturbing me?
Nothing
Everything,
Depressed,
Feel like I’m going crazy.
Keep seeing things
Strange things,
No longer optimistic
I’m slipping away
I know
I can feel it
Someone throw me a lifeline
Before I sink completely.
What’s going on?
How do I go from being so sure
To not sure at all.
Everything disgusts me
Including me
Ugly that’s how I feel
Once confident about me
Now I run from me
Like running from me helps me to escape,
But there’s no escaping me,
Looking in the mirror
I see ‘You are fat!’ staring back.
Maybe if I close my eyes
I might disappear,
Too ashamed to be visible.
Who knew?
I’d be

Afraid of the dark.

Tuesday, 13 October 2015

The story behind the tattoo


So every year on my birthday I’ve got a tattoo in memory of the baby that I miscarried 4 years ago. It’s like a form of therapy for me as it makes me feel better that I’m not forgetting that the baby did exist (no matter how small she was) Last year I got a daisy chain with 4 daisys on it to represent me and the kids to show that we are all linked forever. This year I got all of our dates of birth in Roman numerals on my side. Now I know that rib tattoos are normally quite painful but I thought seeing as I have a lot of fat there that I would be fine, OMG how wrong was I, I was squeaking and breathing heavy and everything which is not like me at all. OMG did that shit sting, but, it was worth it as I loved the end result.

Monday, 12 October 2015

My babies 1st TV commercial

So earlier this year Cali was chosen to appear in an advert for The Guardian newspaper. Now the advert has finally come out and we both love it. I’m sooo proud of her she did really well. I had no clue what it looked like as the parents were not allowed down to the filming area only the chaperones so it was a surprise to see her featured so much in her cute bright green jacket. She said she now wants to do more TV work so I may actually have to sign her up with the agency that got her the job the only problem with that is filming during school time as the kids school won’t let you take them out (even if like my 2 your kids are top of the class and won’t be behind) so I really need to work something out...

Happy Birthday to me :)


Sooo... it was my birthday last Tuesday (6th October) and I decided instead of adding on an extra year I would take off a few years (and the rest) and turn 25 instead. Now this has been my tradition for the past 3 years. Since I turned 30 I decided I would choose what age I fancied being that  year, so last year I was 23.. or 22.
I normally feel depressed and guilty on my birthday as I'm reminded of the baby I miscarried who should’ve been celebrating her birthday the day after my birthday. So to stop me being so depressed my mum decided to get some of my favourite people together and we all went to TGI Fridays which was great. I love their cocktails and the Jack Daniels ribs were soooo yummy.
As always I reflect on my life and think what have I even achieved? I graduated Uni like 10 years ago and I’m still not anywhere near where I want to be and I'm still not living the kinda life I expected to be living at 33... I mean 25... I still have soooo much things I need to do. I still need to do more travelling, still need to loose weight and still need to get my books up on Amazon. But on the plus side I have 2 happy healthy kids so I guess I’m blessed, but if someone could bless me with a lottery win that would be much appreciated J

Monday, 5 October 2015

Mummy & RD time

So recently as you know, it's been the biggest uphill battle to get RD to bed and also up, ready and out the door for school, he's basically been a little shit recently, so the fact that last-night was near impossible to get him to bed was nothing abnormal, but for some reason it was really pissing me off. So I actually sat him down (after he'd done his time and calmed down in the naughty corner) and asked him why he was always so naughty at bedtime and he said that he wanted to stay up late so that he can spend time with me. He then went on to say how much he missed our mummy and RD time which we used to have all the time when we followed a really strict routine but I haven't been able to get that back on track since the summer holidays.

So this morning I woke up determined to follow our strict routine to see if it would help, well it couldn't make things any worse... So RD got up 1st and we looked at our little list of stuff to do on our routine and a miracle happened, I didn't have to ask this child more than once to do anything, which is unheard of lately. Everything went sooo smooth I was actually shocked as I'm used to asking a billion times then screaming at him to do as he's told. We then had time to sit down and play some card games before leaving for school. There were no tantrums, I didn't have to drag anyone out of the door it was almost perfect. It's amazing what a little bit of one on one time with mummy can do and it was only around 5 mins but he loved the fact that for those 5 minutes all my attention was solely focused on him.

We still have the after school routine and bedtime to get through but so far so good. This definitely proves how much my kids, particularly RD, benefit from a strict consistent routine. Obviously this evening we have a bigger chunk of time to spend together so I'm hoping that positively impacts the bedtime routine...

Friday, 2 October 2015

I don't wanna be pretty anymore mummy

So for a while now RD has been telling me he wants his hair cut off mainly because he's pretty and everyone thinks he's a girl and he doesn't like it. He has been telling me he's not pretty and he's not a girl and he wants 'small hair like daddy' I explained to him that even if he cuts his hair he will still be pretty because he looks just like mummy (oooh I can feel my head swelling lol) but he said he didn't mind as long as he didn't look like a pretty girl.

In his defence people do always think he's a girl they think that him and Cali are twin girls and always tell me how beautiful my twin girls are. I'm always like HE is a boy and they're a year apart. So basically I caved and agreed for him to get his hair cut. Now this was difficult for me because as black people we hate cutting hair especially when the person has long hair, but I thought, OK he's made his decision and it will make him happy and feel more comfortable so why not.

Soo.. his dad took him barbers yesterday and now my baby looks all grown up. It's amazing how a simple haircut can change your childs features as I now think he looks just like his dad whereas before he looked like my clone. But he likes it although he wants it a bit shorter, so in a couple weeks his dad will take him back to get more hair chopped off.

But on the bright side that now gives me less work to do as I now only have one head to plait so I can now concentrate on Calis hair and spend more time experimenting with fancy new hairstyles :)