Thursday, 25 December 2014

Friday, 19 December 2014

SkinnyFatCow Weightloss Journey & Review of HoMEDICS Ultraslim pro

OK so finally added my 1st video diary of SkinnyFatCow my weightloss journey, I was scared to make it public (just because I don't like showing my fat wobbly belly) but then I thought that if other people struggling with their weight or C-Section belly see my journey and see me (hopefully) losing weight then they might think OMG her belly looks like mine and if she managed to lose the weight then I can too :)
Now these videos will usually be on my SkinnyFatCow page, but for the 1st 2 weeks I'm gonna post them here as well. They will also be on my YouTube page.


Thursday, 18 December 2014

Another annoying phase.. Fun,Fun,Fun...

OK so as he gets closer to 5 RD seems to be going through yet another annoying phase, hitting/launching himself at you and not listening and basically being a nightmare. OK let's start with the hitting and launching himself, *takes a deep breath* So, when RD can't get his own way instead of before when he would be like OK mummy now he will scream/shout at me then launch himself and try hit me. Now most of the time I can predict it coming so I give him 'The Look' and say "DON'T-YOU-EVEN-THINK-ABOUT-IT!" and that tends to scare him off, but the other day I wasn't paying attention and before I knew it he had launched himself at me and hit me in my chest, I was vexxxxxxxx! Before I could even tell him anything he started crying, ummm... too little to late luv, let's just say he went to bed very early that day. Also anytime he tries it I make sure I let him know "Mummy is a lot bigger than you and mummy can hit you a lot harder than you can hit me," 

He has also started launching himself at his sister. Before Cali would trouble him (and be evil or spiteful) and he would just whinge about it to me, now when she's evil to him & hits or pushes him he launches himself at her and hits her then they both come running and crying to me. Also RD is abnormally strong so if he hits you you feel it and will not have him grow up and think he can hit everyone, then next minute I'm on Jeremy Kyle chatting bout "I'm scared of my 5 year old son, he beats me," Oh hell no! I will make sure this phase is just a phase and he doesn't feel like this is the correct way to always behave.

Next it's the not listening, OMG this boy is a different breed of hardears, before he would more be the one to do as he's told without any much back-chat (like his sister) now I tell him things and it's like I've said nothing at all, it's soooo infuriating!! Like he really can't/won't hear, he seems to think he can do what he wants when he wants and obviously I'm trying to nip that in the bud from now. Also he likes to think he can shout at me, I'm like "Who do you think you're shouting at?!" and quickly his tone changes and he's like "Nobody mummy," then either goes quiet and talks in a baby voice or tries to act all sweet and is like "I love you mummy, you're beautiful mummy"

Out of all his annoying phases this is the most tying I swear it takes up sooo much energy dealing with him at the moment. I'm actually looking forward to the next annoying phase because I know there's no way it can be worse than this. This is literally a headache! 

Wednesday, 17 December 2014

Hair Review

Time to bring back out the wellies


So this stupid weather has meant one thing, new wellies!! I got both of these from Asda. Both Cali and RD are a size 12, but what I found strange was Cali's wellies looked small so I had to get them in a size 13, yet RDs size 12s are huge on him, either way they should last a while :)

Monday, 15 December 2014

Baby Annabell Changing Bag Review


So if you have a daughter between 4-6 then you will probably know all about Baby Annabell, I actually featured it in my Christmas gift guide. Well if you're looking for accessories to go with the doll the Changing Bag is definitely one of my top picks. As soon as I gave it to Cali it's like she instantly turned into a mini mummy. Immediately she pulled out the changing mat and put Annabell down to change her nappy and waved the little pink baby toy around (the same way a mum would do to distract a baby while trying to change their bum).
The bag is a perfect size for small children and the cute floral details on the bag & changing mat makes it look trendy.

As well as the bottle, changing mat and nappies that come with it the changing bag can also fit a lot of stuff (trust me Cali takes after me and will cram as much 'Just in case' things in as possible) So she also added a spare bottle a muslin square and a baby blanket as well as 2 changes of clothes (that she somehow got auntie to buy her) and there's still room in the bag. It's very well made so you definitely get what you pay for.

Since I gave this to her this bag has not left her side, somehow it always ends up in her bed (as she doesn't want her brother to even breath near it) and I have to wait till she's asleep and quietly move it from her bed otherwise she will just roll on it then whinge in the morning about it being squashed.

Wednesday, 10 December 2014

Christmas Gift Guide 2014


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Here’s some fab gifts for the ladies, whether you want to buy something lovely for your mum (to butter her up so she can babysit for you on New Years Eve ;)  your sister or friend there’s a variety of stuff to chose from.


1. Baileys Mini Delights Prices from £1.99

2. Chan Cham hot sauce £3

3. Sam Smith Album Cards £9.99
Personalised greeting card and album download all in one

4. Timebomb Black Ops Dark circle rescue £36
Lightens dark under eye circles

5. Avon Luck for her Eau de Parfum spray (50mls) £15

6. Handheld Percussion Massager  £37.99
Therapeutic deep tissue percussion massage for intense muscle relief

7. Scholl Velvet smooth luxury pedicure set £39.99

8. Folio Society Special edition Wuthering heights book  £36.95

9. Squeeky Clean beauty products £1
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Here's some cool stuff for the blokes in your life. Expect a huge present in return (maybe even a ring... or at least a Mars Bar lol)  if you get them any of these J


1. Lets Race Formula 1 race simulator experience from £15

2. Zippo Windproof lighter  £9.75

3. Tabasco Sauce mini gift set £5.99

4. Sloe Gin cocktail set £45

5. Wilkinson Travel Kit   £22 

6. Lynx Africa Duo gift pack  £3

7. The Real Shaving Company mens grooming products from £3.99

8. Jam Storm Bluetooth Speaker £49.99

9. Play with a legend  from £60 per person
You and your mates can have a kickabout and pints with football legends including Paul Merson and Teddy Sheringham 
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Who doesn’t love to spoil their kids at Christmas? So if you have already over spent on Xmas presents for them look away now, as you may want to buy everything! 



1. Fireman Sam Ocean Rescue DVD  £12.99

2. Minnie Mouse Hi Top Trainers  £16.99

3. Bambi Dress £64

4. LeapPad 3  £89.99

5. Frozen Shimmer Beauty Set £5

6. Baby Annabell  £49.99

7. LeapBand £29.99

8. Zoo Keeper experience £30
Your munchkins can now have the opportunity to be a Zoo Keeper for the day at Folly Farm Zoo, Pembrokeshire, Wales.

9. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Trainers  £12.99

10. Moshi Monsters Trading card collection prices start from £1
www.toppsdirect.com

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If you know someone *cough cough like me* whose New Years Resolution (every year) is to lose weight or get fit and healthy, whether it’s through portion control, exercise or making healthier choices then here are some fab gifts for them.


1. Heston Dual platform precision scale £49.99

2. The English Provender Co. Salad Bowl £26.00

3. Thermos Hydration bottle £12.95

4. Herbal Collection Box £2.39

5. New You Fitness  bootcamp day £45
Up to 6 hours of training from a World Class New You Boot Camp Instructor.



Sunday, 7 December 2014

Reward chart success

So I reintroduced the reward charts a few weeks ago and they have been a great success. RD has really taken to it and loves doing whatever he can to earn stars as he knows he will get a reward on the weekend. It did take Cali a bit longer to take to it, as she didn’t really care that her back chatting and attitude were causing her to lose stars. But now that shes finally earned enough stars to get a treat and saw how proud I was of her, she's completely changed her attitude towards it and is now like RD; doing whatever she can to earn stars.
If you’re looking to do a rewards chart, you don’t have to spend big money on treats. What I did (strategically) was to buy them a big toy for their first treat to reel them in and make them more excited about getting future treats. Their big treats cost less than £3 from Morissons. For future treats I have Mickey Mouse ears, Frozen T-Shirts (cheap in Primark) and also choosing a game to play or a movie to watch. All the treats are actually things that I already brought that they needed and were going to get anywayz, but they don’t need to know that...

But either way I do hope this good behaviour continues.

Saturday, 6 December 2014

Time to chill out

This is exactly how I feel sometimes...

New hair

So I’m having a little image overhaul and decided to try something a little different  to the blue/green hair I normally have.  I thought I’d really miss the green as it’s my signature colour but I am loving this pink and purple hair from Cyberlox Shop, so I will probably just carry on alternating the colours and maybe even experiment with more. Crochet braids are definitely my go to style and I’ve done them so much I’m now actually very quick with installing them so I don’t think I’d ever go back to singles/box braids.
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Wednesday, 3 December 2014

#ootd



Black & White striped bodycon dress - H&M
Mickey Mouse T-Shirt - Primark
Chunky buckle platform boots - New Look

Tuesday, 2 December 2014

#ootd

So even though it's freezing I refuse to put away my bodycon mini dresses I  now just wear them with thicker tights and a big parka jacket.


Gold coloured rope chain - Primark
Black Bodycon dress - H&M
Mickey Mouse shirt - Primark
Mickey Mouse platform trainers - H&M
Leopard print head tie - Primark



Saturday, 29 November 2014

One Outfit 2 ways

So I recently got this fab jumpsuit from Primark, I actually wanted to get it ages ago in the summer for when I went Barbados but refused to pay full price for it, so when I saw it go down to £5 in the sale I was like Yesssss! I think it's so versatile and can be dressed down to wear during the daytime or dressed up for a night out. Also if you're packing for your holiday this is a good buy as it's very light and will take up no space at all. As you know I love my accessories and here is a great example of how the right use of accessories can completely change an outfit.

So for the day look (above) I simply added my Mickey Mouse platform trainers, a chunky and very quirky plastic hearts and stars necklace and various colourful bracelets and a bright pink 2 finger bow ring.

For my evening look (below) I added huge blinged out hoop ear rings, an extra long gold necklace, gold rings and my black wedges, which I love but struggle to walk in.

Friday, 28 November 2014

Beauty Stuff

Now I’ve never bothered to get separate cleanser specifically for eye makeup before, because I spend so much on good facial cleansers I thought it was just a waste of money, but after getting this Double Effect Eye Makeup Remover by Nivea I must say it’s made a huge difference. It doesn’t sting or burn and actually takes out everything in a couple wipes and I’m not there rubbing my eyes forever like I have to with my normal cleanser, it even removes waterproof mascara and think heavy eyeliner which is normally a nightmare for me to remove. Also on top of its effectiveness and the fact that it says it doesn’t irritate the sensitive eye area, it’s also quite pretty, which was what drew my attention to it on the shop shelf.

Thursday, 27 November 2014

Its Christmasssssssss!!

OK so as much as I love Christmas (The tackier the better I say) I always seem to miss out on fun Christmas activities. Like last year I missed the Coca Cola Truck and the Winter Wonderland in London, but this year I’m determined to make both and I actually can’t wait. I’m not sure how much the kids will like the Coke truck because sometimes they’re freaked out by them things and other times they love it but I’m hoping when I take them it will be the latter because mummy wants a picture in front of the Coke truck :)

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

My Style


If you follow me on Instagram you will know that I love experimenting with my hair and clothes. At the moment I’m really into the whole Goth/Grunge look, so I’m on the hunt for some really edgy buckled black knee high platform boots, the kind you see on them really cool Goths down Camden. I also wanna get a load of oversized vests/tank tops/wife beaters and wear them as a dress with some suspender or patterned tights and dark makeup. I also wanna try and incorporate lace into my wardrobe. I will probably experiment with this look next month when I change my hair back to the long Marley twists. But until I do heres some of my style inspirations so you can see what kinda look I’m actually going on about.

Tuesday, 25 November 2014

Beauty Stuff

OK so I very rarely post about beauty stuff, but I recently got some good buys that I wanted to share. So as my face is very sensitive it doesn’t take a lot to cause some kind of breakout, so I’ve always taken my time and spent real money on facial products, I think this is the only thing I won’t be like ‘Oh let me buy this because it’s really cheap’ I tend to more watch the ingredients than the price when it comes to my face. I look out for what’s best for my skin type and usually go for products that contain Tea Tree oil or Witch Hazel. Now I normal get a cleanser/toner from Boots that contains both of those but as they were sold out (I’m not sure if it’s been discontinued or it’s being repackaged as I haven’t seen it in stock in my local Boots for a while) so I thought I’d try something new. So I remembered being brought up to use Anne French and I only stopped using it when it started to get too expensive, so I thought I’d give it a go again and also got some B. Pure Micellar Water that doubles as a cleaner and toner. I’ve been using these along with my Garnier Dark spot Corrector cream and my Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour cream and my skin has been feeling so smooth and silky which means I may stick to these products for a while and see how I go. But at the moment I’m absolutely loving the results.

Monday, 24 November 2014

Glamour & Glitter, Fashion & Fame...


So I may have mentioned this before, but, I’m totally obcessed with Jem. If you’re a real 80s baby you will remember this show and know every single word to the theme tune (whether you want to admit to it or not J) in my opinion there’s never been another cartoon like it. Anywayz I’d been looking for a Jem T-Shirt for ages and finally found one on Truffle Shuffle, they actually have most of the popular 80s TV shows on a T-shirt, I’m looking to get a Button Moon and Thundercats one next. Even though the show was in the 80s, I feel like I’m still influenced by their style, especially The Misfits. I remember loving their outfits although they were the baddies; they wore a lot of clashing animal print and bright colours and bold make up. I actually really want a Misfits T-Shirt too, well it’s only right as you can’t have Jem & The Holograms without The Misfits.

Sunday, 23 November 2014

Now you too can fly fancy class ;)

If you’re looking to do Barbados for Cropover next summer and like me you love flying with Virgin, Virgin Holidays, seem to have a special offer on at the moment which makes it more affordable for you to upgrade.

Before this you know the only hopes you had of flying anywhere other than economy was to either fork out hundreds (and dip into your holiday funds) or drop a penny down a well and make a wish that one of the lovely ladies (or gents) at check in takes pity on you and upgrades you for free on the day (which has never happened to me by the way) But now Virgin are making it easy by making it a lot cheaper to upgrade when you book a new holiday through them. It’s quite simple to do. While you are booking there is an option of changing classes and I found it’s actually cheaper to fly Economy there and Premium Economy back than it is to fly Economy both ways. Also because they have such good prices on their holidays it's affordable to upgrade to Premium Economy both ways and even Fancy Class (Upper Class) without blowing your budget.
So now you can have a fab start to your summer holidays and with the seats being a bit bigger and you having more room than economy the kids can get comfy quicker and hopefully go straight to sleep which means you have more time to just relax and enjoy the flight. As I always say, Single Mummies deserve a bit of luxury too, so why not treat yourself. 

Sunday, 16 November 2014

Have you packed yet?


So I wanted to get these from Primark during the summer but left it too late. I did my usual thing and saw and loved them, went home procrastinated and then went back to Primark and they never had my size. I always do this and I don’t know why I never learn. So when these similar ones popped up on eBay I thought I don’t care if it’s autumn/winter and I’m not going on holiday I’m still buying them. I’m really into chunky heels at the moment because they’re super comfy and remind me of the 90s, so these will be perfect for next Summer. Luckily because I don’t strictly follow fashion I tend to be able to get away with it and pretty much wear whatever I fancy without really having to worry about being on trend. So basically regardless of if these chunky heel sandals are the latest fashion must have or not next summer I will still be wearing them J Also as they’re black they will pretty much go with everything so they’re definitely a good buy. Also if you can’t be dealing with doing up 10 million little buckles like me you’ll be glad to know these also have a zip at the back, basically the perfect summer shoe.

Friday, 14 November 2014

Flushing the toilet

It can’t be just my 2 who do this. OMG it drives me crazy especially when I’m bursting to wee and rush in the toilet and come face to face with a big pooh in the toilet it actually makes me loose my mind lol I’m always like “WHO-DID-NOT-FLUSH-THE-TOILET?!” and they will both blame eachother which then annoys me even more because it means that one of them is lying.

I don’t get why they always do it, it’s like they’re allergic to flushing the toilet or something. I’m always telling them that you use the toilet, you flush, you wash your hands then you come out and they seem to do all of the steps apart from flush. I don’t get it, it’s not even occasional, it’s every bloody day, you would think they would be bored of me shouting at them for it, nope, they continue to do it. I don’t know what’s gonna make them remember to do it because I’ve seen them both do it at school too. Is it too much to ask, bloodyhell please just flush the toilet (Can you feel the desperation?)

Thursday, 13 November 2014

Another annoying phase.. Fun,Fun,Fun...


So although he still screams sometimes RD has now started laughing anytime I tell him off, which is the most infuriating thing ever. I know he got it from his sister because she used to do it too (She is now is old enough to know better) So he will be really naughty and I'll send him to the naughty corner then when his time is up and I go there to talk to him and reinforce why he shouldn't have done what he did to get sent to the naughty corner he looks at me and starts giggling. So I'm like 'OK let me add on an extra minute to your time here then' then he starts whinging and 'crying' then looks at me and starts laughing again, it may not sound annoying but if you ever experience it you will know exactly how irritating it is. It's worse when I'm actually really telling him off or shouting at him for something and then he just drops on the floor and starts laughing hard. Even thinking about it is making me frustrated. Hopefully he grows out of this phase VERY soon...

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Love Love Love

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I am totally in love with these shoes from Irregular Choice, they are sooo busy and have so much different things going on at once they are perfect. Also the best part, they both actually have flashing lights on the soles, it's like a party on your foot. I can't even decide between the two I think I need both!
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Already planning next years holiday


Although I normally do a long haul holiday with the kids, I’m actually looking forward to taking them somewhere a bit closer next year, like maybe somewhere like Tenerife. Although it’s not really gonna be much of a holiday for me, I’m actually looking forward to having some early nights and spending days in the pool or by the beach (which is really all the kids care about.)
Although it’s not the Caribbean, the weather is normally lovely there (well better than our crap weather anyway) they have real beaches, it’s not too far and it gives the kids a chance to practise their Spanish. Also because it will be more of a kids holiday it won’t take as much planning as a trip further afield, because all I need is somewhere clean, with a pool and good food reviews (because I refuse to get food poisoning again on a holiday) I would probably go Half Board and eat breakfast and dinner there and go out somewhere for lunch. Also I don’t need to look for a kids club (which saves money as hotels with kids clubs tend to be more expensive) because my 2 will be happy to be in the pool all day and explore in the afternoon.
I don’t know that much about the Spanish Isles as I am probably one of the few people who didn’t go there as a child, so need to see where exactly is best to stay. But it should be a fab holiday.

Tuesday, 11 November 2014

Kinda lovin' Ocado at the moment...

Did my first shop at Ocado yesterday and to be honest I only shopped there because they were offering £20 off my 1st shop. I’m not loyal when it comes to supermarkets and my monthly shop; I always go with whoever is offering some money off a shop. But after receiving my delivery I think I would shop with Ocado again just because of their customer service alone.
First of all after I had placed my order I received an email from my driver introducing himself and telling me what van he would driving as they have a few different vans that have different colours or fruits on them, he also confirmed my delivery slot, which was 11-12.
On the day he turned up 11 on the dot and once again introduced himself and was happy and friendly and as he knew I was a first time customer he explained how everything worked. They have colour coded bags that tell you if those items go in the Cupboard, Fridge or Freezer etc which saves you a lot of time and you don’t have to dig through guessing. Also their bags are recyclable so on the next shop they will collect the bags from my previous shop which is great!

Also I felt a bit posh shopping there because some of their items are Waitrose and to me Waitrose is posh and expensive but this wasn’t expensive at all, in fact it was the 2nd cheapest shop (I always compare on My Supermarket) It feels like they pride themselves on customer service . I’m actually looking forward to doing future monthly shops with them... unless someone else offers £15/20 off a shop next month ;)

Mouth Almighty


OK so I knew that Cali could talk for England but OMG she never stops, she actually never gives her poor mouth a rest. Her mouth is always running, either she is talking or eating or asking for more food. Now she iss talking so much she won’t give other people a chance to talk. She always talks for (and over) RD. I’m always having to tell her ‘OK, let RD talk then you can talk again when he’s done’ and she struggles to do that and ends up talking really loud over him. Now I thought she

Sunday, 9 November 2014

Get down, Boogie Oogie Oogie

I really wanted an activity that the kids could look forward to every week and that they would enjoy and get to do something creative and fun and I’m so glad I chose dancing. They both always sing and dance around the house and both wanted to try dance school. They absolutely love it, especially RD who really comes out of his shell when he’s there. Normally it’s a struggle to get him to go anywhere without clinging to me, but as soon as class starts he’s like the first one in there and doesn't look back which is great, although I wish he would do that at school, because every morning we have the same problem, he will not go into class and will cling onto me and the teacher has to take him in. This happened at nursery, football and holiday clubs. He’s loving it even more now that his dance shoes have arrived (Cali had hers but we had to order in RDs size) he really seems to be in his element when he’s there which actually makes me feel really happy, like I’ve found something he genuinely likes and is interested in.
I also really really want them to both learn Salsa dancing but I can’t find any kids classes locally so now I’m wondering if I’d have to enrol maybe in ballroom dancing, because I’m sure ballroom covers all the different dancing styles.... I think... I’m gonna have to look into it. I recently saw a video of some little kids doing Salsa and showed it to the kids and we were literally all like WOW! I’d love for them to be able to do that.
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On a side note if you're not old enough to know about the song I'm referring to in the title here it is, I love this song, Oh and BTW I'm not old enough to know this song either.... well that's my story and I'm sticking to it lol

Monday, 3 November 2014

Turtle Beach Resort Review

Barbados 2014

OK so I meant to do this from ages ago... anywayz finally got around to putting this together. Although I put up some pics when I first came back it's always nice to watch a little movie.
Oh and I also recorded a review of the hotel... I will have that up soon too, it will be worth the wait, I promise :)



New hair

Sunday, 26 October 2014

#ootd


RUN DMC T-Shirt - Primark
Striped Bodycon dress - H&M
Heart Cardigan - Primark
Mickey Mouse Creepers - H&M

Saturday, 25 October 2014

Are tattoos a form of self harm?


I just finally got round to watching Jodie Marsh on Plastic Surgery, I actually really love her documentaries on TLC. But she said something that I was a bit like Hmmm..? She said she believed Tattoos and multiple piercings are a form of self harm. Now, I have a lot of tattoos (I stopped counting at 10) and obviously piercings too and mine were definitely not a form of self harm. I was happy with who I was was and wasn’t depressed or anything when I got them. I just liked being different and loved the art behind the tattoo (because most of the big tattoos I designed myself) it was the same with piercings, I guess it’s just something that I’m into. No one in else in my family is pierced or tatted up, I’m the only one, so I feel it’s just who I am. I very colourful and creative and love to go in the complete opposite direction that everyone else is going in (and I hope my kids inherit that from me, as I always tell them you do not follow people especially when you know they’re doing the wrong thing, you lead) so for me tattoos and piercings are my way of expressing my creativity, I’m definitely not trying to purposely cause myself pain, I mean I’ve had so many tattoos that I don’t even feel any pain I normally drift off to sleep to be honest. I also couldn’t imagine someone who wants to self harm getting a tattoo as a way to do it, these people are trying to hurt themselves to numb some kinda pain and a tattoo will not fulfil that need in my opinion.

#ootd


Care Bears T-Shirt - Primark
Tropical Bodycon dress - Primark
Thick tribal print knee high socks - Primark 

Friday, 24 October 2014

Does the pain ever go away?

I now have 2 tattoos that help me remember the baby I lost in 2011. The first tattoo is on my wrist and says “Too Beautiful For Earth” it actually helped me to come to terms with the miscarriage and helped a lot with the whole healing process. Because other than the actual miscarriage the thing that affected me the most was the fact that I didn’t want to forget that this baby did exist, 

even if it was only growing inside me for a few months it was still my baby.

Also as the baby was due the day after my birthday (6th October), I decided to get another tattoo this year of a daisy chain with 4 daisies to represent me, Cali, RD and the baby I lost, to show that we are all linked and a part of each other.

Although I tend to feel a bit down around the birth date, this year I found it particularly difficult. I think the worst part is because the baby was due the day after my birthday I kinda feel bad celebrating my birthday when I should be celebrating my baby’s birthday too, it’s like I almost feel guilty for being happy on my birthday. I don’t know if this feeling will ever go away. It’s been 3 years since I miscarried and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier. Luckily I managed to have counselling straight after the miscarriage which really helped otherwise I think I would’ve gone crazy. But saying that I did have to make a big fuss to get counselling because for some reason Doctors etc don’t think you need any kind of help for a miscarriage that wasn’t near full term. I actually managed to get help via the kids Health Visitor, she was lovely and put me in touch with a mental health nurse who counselled me. 

It’s a lot to deal with on top of having 2 small kids. 

I have been through a lot (even before the miscarriage) and I would say I’m a very strong person, I can usually deal with whatever life has to throw at me, but miscarrying actually broke me. I’ve never felt so down and depressed in my life. I actually felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and was sinking quickly and couldn’t do anything to keep my head above water. I think the only reason why I didn’t loose the plot completely was because I did have 2 small children who needed me so I had to keep it together for their sake. But because I’ve kept it together for so long and didn’t get an opportunity to take some time out by myself or even have some kinda moment of madness and go out drinking a lot or taking a load of stupid drugs to numb the pain, I think now it’s really hitting me and it’s like all I can do is just cry, because I really can’t go out and do something stupid and reckless because, 

I’m now at an age where I know that if I did do something stupid there will be some kind of consequence that I probably wont like.

So I do try to keep myself occupied so I don’t have time to dwell on it, but recently because of the medication I’ve been taking for my stupid IBS I’ve been completely knackered and basically all I can do is lay down and stay still or sleep, so now for the past couple weeks I’ve been finding I’ve had more time to think about the miscarriage which is what is making things worse for me.

I wonder if this pain will ever go away. 

Initially I did want to have another 'replacement baby' straight away and time it so the new baby would be born on the same day that the other baby would’ve been born, but now I really don’t want another baby because I don’t want to feel like I am replacing or forgetting about the baby I lost and obviously I’m not with the kids dad anymore and I don’t want to have to deal with more than 1 annoying baby father and I’m also scared I might miscarry again and to be honest I couldn’t deal with that again because this time it might actually send me over the edge. I think the only way I would have another child now was if I was to adopt.

I find comfort in the fact that the baby was and still is my angel and is looking down and protecting all of us so I guess I should feel blessed really.

New Hair

I forgot to post the video I posted about my new hair. If you haven't already feel free to subscribe to my YouTube Channel it's actually fab if I do say so myself :)

Thursday, 23 October 2014

#ootd



Because it was neither hot or cold I thought I would try a new layered look. I'm still totally in love with my biker jacket and I'm not ready to hang it up yet and exclusively wear my winter coat. My oversized vintage denim shirt is perfect as it's quite heavy so it keeps me warm but it's still light enough to fit under my jacket. Also as you may have noticed I am obsessed with my turtles top and would wear it everyday if I could. I will never get tired of body con dresses and will probably stock up again in the Xmas sales and the look wouldn't be complete without these comfy leather biker boots.

TMNT T-Shirt - Primark
Striped Bodycon dress - H&M
Denim shirt - eBay
Leather biker boots - New Look
Biker Jacket - New Look

Be a drama queen in Barbados

As you know I love love love Barbados and always tend to go All Inclusive since I’ve been taking the kiddies and I always go for places that have a great kids club. Well Savannah Beach hotel have now taken the whole idea of a kids club to another level. Starting from 2015 they will also be offering the Pauline Quirke Academy of Performing Arts which is a weekend performing arts academy that provides tuition for children and young people and was started by actress Pauline Quirke who is well known for her role in Birds of a feather.

The students will be split into groups according to their age and specialist teachers will take them through 2 hour sessions across 3 days, in drama, comedy and musical theatre. This all leads to a big performance at the end that parents and other hotel guests can enjoy and let’s face it who doesn’t like watching their kids perform, so be sure to bring an extra memory card for your camera.

My 2 munchkin heads already go to dancing school on the weekends so this would be perfect for them. It sounds like such a good idea, because it then gives the kids something to work towards which means it will keep them engaged (which also means you are guaranteed at least 2 hours of peace and quiet for 3 days and if that doesn’t get you excited then nothing will!) and it’s a fab holiday memory because not much kids can say *cough cough brag* that they went to a performing arts academy in Barbados.

In addition to the performing arts they also have a normal kids club and everything is supervised so you literally drop your kids there and they are looked after by a qualified team. This is perfect if you are a single mummy travelling alone with the kids, because they get an exciting and fun packed holiday and you also get a holiday too and you don’t have to worry about the kids whinging about being bored as there will be too much activities to keep them occupied so everyone’s happy really.
Oh and did I mention Savannah Beach is all inclusive, yes, so in addition to getting some me time while the kids are off being superstars you can enjoy the fact that you will not have to cook or wash up dishes for your whole stay and if your kids are fussy eaters like mine that in itself is something to get really excited about, oh, as well as the rum punch.


I was so happy daydreaming about relaxing and tropical cocktails and peace and quiet that I nearly forgot to mention the most important part, the academy is FREE to those staying at the hotel, so if like me you book your family holidays a year in advance this is definitely a good choice. Also the hotel is exclusive to Virgin Holidays which means if you contact them they’ll give you a good deal and you know how much I love a bargain :)

New Hair


So after seeing this fab hair on CyberLox Shop I decided I needed to change my hair again and put in some colourful Senegalese twists. I used their Transitional hair and also Ultra Violet and Japanese Violet from their Phantasia line.

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

The M word

After hearing one of the ladies share her very emotional miscarriage story at BritMums months ago, I did mean to share mine too but couldn’t bring myself to write about it because it’s still quite hard for me although it happened 3 years ago. But I feel I need to write/talk about it just to help me heal because I’m not trying to internalise it so that I go mad thinking about it.

OK so this is a long one so get comfy....

After a very very dramatic week I went for my 3 month scan and before the nurse even put the gel on my belly I had a bad feeling that something wasn’t right. Now I had Cali and RD within a year of eachother and this baby would’ve been a year after RD, so I knew exactly what to look out for in the scan. As soon as the nurse scanned my belly I immediately noticed that the baby was backing us and seemed to be floating, when normally the baby is sideways/front facing or wriggling about. In my head I was like, my baby is dead, like I knew. The nurse switched off the machine quickly and asked if Id been bleeding, which I had, but I’d bled a lot through both my previous pregnancies and she explained how there was no heartbeat. Although I knew what she was going to say it was still a shock when she said it because the week previous I’d had an early scan and the doctor even remarked on how strong the heart beat was for such an early pregnancy.

Anyways the nurse went off to get my cousin who was outside with Cali and RD and I couldn’t even cry because I didn’t want the kids to see me upset. I also found out that there’s a special side door that you can exit through so that you don’t have to walk past all the happy expectant mothers waiting for their scan. I was then given an appointment to come back later and speak to a doctor.
After speaking to the doctor I was given 2 options, I could ever miscarry naturally by myself (which was supposed to be like a heavy period with a bit of cramping) or I could have an operation to I guess scrape out the remains. Because I’d had 2 emergency c-sections (that had both got infected) I really didn’t want to have another operation so chose to miscarry naturally, as I normally get really bad periods/pains I thought that was something I could deal with. So basically I went home and it was a waiting game over the next few days.

So after waking up with cramps I still took the kids out to their playgroup and walked home in a lot of pain and was spotting a bit. Once home I went to make the kids some snacks and bent over and felt something pop and all of a sudden I had shooting pains down my stomach and legs. I then noticed my legs feeling warm and looked down and saw lots of blood dripping down my legs and the blood flow got heavier until the whole of my kitchen floor was covered in a pool of blood. RD was in his Baby walker just staring at me and screaming and ripping out his hair till he gave himself bald patches and I couldn’t do anything to help because anytime I moved the blood got heavier. I called the hospital who told me to take a shower and see if that helped the bleeding... it made it worse.

By the time I’d got to the hospital I’d lost so much blood I couldn’t even walk and had to be put in a wheelchair. When the nurses were trying to take my details I remember I kept passing out and was so spaced out I couldn’t even tell them my details because I didn’t even have the energy to talk.
The doctors were very concerned about the amount of blood I was losing and rushed me in for an emergency operation (which was what I was trying to avoid to begin with) all I kept thinking was, what happens if I die, what happens to my kids, I felt like I literally had no control because I was soo weak and struggled to keep my eyes open so was convinced that the next time I closed my eyes I might not ever open them again.

The doctors told me that they had struggled to stop the blood loss which meant I had lost a lot more blood than a normal miscarriage, so I had to stay in hospital for a few days and take some extra strong Iron tablets. Annoyingly the ward I was on overlooked the maternity ward so everytime I looked out the window I could see all the happy new parents taking home their new babies and to be honest I did feel a bit jealous I felt like that should be me. I did soooo much crying while I was there, I know I should’ve moved away from the window but I just kept looking out and upsetting myself.


By the time I got home I didn’t feel normal, I felt like a piece of me was missing, I felt numb. I felt like I had failed at protecting my baby but once again I had to push those feelings aside and concentrate on being a mum to the children I had. I had to be strong for them, because... that what mothers do...

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

So maybe they're not lactose intolerant....

So when my 2 were toddlers I noticed both of them were complaining about stomach aches straight after breakfast then right after their bedtime milk. I first thought maybe it was the cereal as I didn’t want to assume it was the milk just because I can't drink any kind of milk. I tried different cereals and it was still happening but I still didn't want to completely remove milk from their diet or assume they were lactose intolerant, and then my neighbour suggested I try a2 milk as it had worked well for her kids. So I tried it with mine and mysteriously no more stomach aches or pains. It's weird because before my neighbour told me about it I never even noticed a2 milk on the shelf, she actually had to explain to me exactly what it looked like and exactly where it was because I really didn't have a clue what I was looking for, I actually thought maybe she got the name wrong because a2 didn't sound like a ‘milk name’ to me. Once I understood the name I then thought a2 was maybe a type of milk like Skimmed/Semi Skimmed (Yes I was that confused)  Now years later it’s still working well with the kids, I wish I had discovered it sooner. I also wish they would have this kinda milk at school because RD has just started and loves milk but because he knows 'normal milk' gives him a stomach ache he refuses to drink it and instead opts for water while most of his friends enjoy their milk at snack time. I reckon there should be an alternative option of milk everywhere!!!!

Also another thing, I found if you check the a2 milk website they have a lot of useful info about what a2 milk is and how it might benefit you and the kiddies. There is also info on milk intolerance and even a few recipes to try. It's quite helpful actually.

Friday, 3 October 2014

Silver Sequinned Mini - Part 3


So here's the 3rd instalment from my Silver Sequinned Mini collection, just in time for the weekend. So you can relax and have a good read. Like with my previous Erotic short stories it's short enough to read on your Phone or Tablet without hurting your eyes. It's a Fab read if I do say so my self *toot toot* hahahaaha 

Enjoy x

Wednesday, 1 October 2014

New hair

As you know I'm always changing my hair so here is my latest hairstyle 

Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Was this some weird prank?

Ok so I was in London over the weekend and was walking to get the mandatory chicken and chips. Now I'm walking down a busy street and it's still bright, some Asian guy comes up to me and was like "sister omg I need to tell you something," in some really exaggerated 'I'm taking the piss out of an asian' accent. Then he came in really close and kept going on in that accent so obviously I moved and he came in closer and started walking right up behind me I was like "why are you still talking to me?" And I Carried on walking. So then he carries on following me, now I hate people walking behind me it just makes me mad instantly, so I stopped turned around and was like 'Don't follow me' and he still carried on I ended up screaming at him then he quickly left me. But I was thinking that was so surreal like what was he trying to achieve like was he just taking the piss and maybe filming some prank for YouTube or was he really crazy and was actually looking to do me something. Either way he picked the wrong one cuz my mouth is big and I have quick reflexes, I grew up fighting boys (cuz I used to think I was a boy lol) so that would've been silly of him. But it still freaked me out a bit when I came home and sat down and thought about it.... very weird....

Thursday, 25 September 2014

Another annoying phase.. Fun,Fun,Fun...


So we have now passed and survived the Epic tantrum throwing phase and we have now entered the screaming and the ‘Let’s not listen to a word mummy says and do what we wanna do’ phase and let me tell you these are the most annoying phases so far.

Let me start with the screaming. They seem to use it as a way to communicate with eachother, so they won’t talk they will just be like Aaaaaaaaargh! Literally every 10 seconds. Sometimes they will randomly scream for nothing and I’m like Why did you do that for? Even when we went on the plane they both fancied screaming so they screamed after I told them you don’t scream on a plane, and what’s worse is its one of them irritating high pitched screams that feels like its piercing through your head while making your ears ring. Most days I can be heard yelling at them STOP THE SCREAMING, JUST STOP THE SCREAMING!!!!  Then they scream again just to piss me off, I'm seriously so thankful for the duty free rum I brought back from Barbados, because if it wasn’t for the Cockspur and Malibu I’d seriously be rocking in a corner somewhere muttering nonsense to myself.

This then leads me to THE most annoying thing they are doing at the moment and that’s

Wednesday, 24 September 2014

1st Day of school

So RD finally started school and it was such an emotional moment for me. My last baby (because there’s NO way I’m having anymore kids) is all grown up now. I remember when he was just starting nursery couldn’t talk and was getting really frustrated with anything, then when he began saying a few words he had a bad stammer and now he talks well, a little too well, he basically doesn’t ever shut up, which is obviously a lot of fun for me...
He looks sooo cute in his little school uniform and his teacher is actually new to the school, but one of the teaching assistants (he has 2) taught Cali last year and she’s brilliant so I know he will be well taken care of and will learn a lot. He also seems to be really enjoying it although every morning he won’t go in the classroom and clings to me, which is exactly what he used to do everyday at nursery and I don’t get why he does it because once the teacher takes him in and I’m gone he’s fine and goes off to play happily (as I’ve watched him do this at nursery).
He doesn’t like the fact that he doesn’t know everyone’s name in his class as he is used to knowing everyone’s names at nursery but I told him he’ll get to know them in time. He also has a few of his nursery friends in his class which is helpful. I’m especially pleased that my next door neighbours daughter is in RDs class as she’s  the total opposite to RD she comes in and just gets on with it, she’s like his older sister (although she’s only a few months older than him) and she will really help to bring him out of his shell, she’s lovely.

Now I officially have no more babies, I now have to use my time wisely to prepare myself for when I get thrown back into the lions den. So I’m gonna do as much writing and blogging as I can and I also wanna take an English and Maths course just to brush up on my skills. But, yeah school seems to be a success J

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Longhaul Makeup


So no matter how early my flight is I always have a long shower and put on a full face of makeup before I reach the airport, partly because I wanna look cute just in case I run into Mr Perfect (Hahahahaha) but mostly because I need to cover up the fact that I’ve had no sleep and feel like shit. So you can imagine how chuffed I was when one of the MAC ladies told me she loved my makeup. In my head I was like screaming and so excited. I’ve loved MAC since my sister forced the super glittery ‘Oh Baby’ Lip gloss on me when I was 19 (I’m actually still wearing it over 10 years later) and I always stop at the MAC stand when I pass through duty free at Gatwick to stock up on my make up as I buy everything apart from eye makeup from there. The ladies (and the guys) make up in there is always so on point whether its neutral shades or completely wacky and out there, so for one of them to compliment my makeup at like crazy o' clock in the morning was like the biggest ego boost ever! I even asked for tips on how I could improve it the next time and she said she wouldn’t change a thing *excuse me while I do my happy dance*  OMG how much did my head swell, I’m surprised my head fitted on the plane, it was seriously that big. So now obviously I’m feeling like some make up pro and to think a few years ago I was totally clueless when it came to make up and my attempts at being creative were always a big fat fail. It definitely helps if you ask like a billion questions when you’re getting a makeover. Oh also my makeup stayed put for the 8 hour flight the only thing I had to refresh was my lippie.

So here’s what I used:
-MAC Skin Base Visage (Primer) it makes all of your makeup look shimmery, OMG its fab
-MAC Pro Longwear Concealer
-MAC Select Sheer Pressed Powder
-MUA Eyeliner in Royal Blue from Superdrug only £1 comes with a built in sharpener, I have every single colour
-MUA Eyeshadow Palette I used a mixture of Crystal Blue and Sonic Blue
-MAC Fix+ (Finishing Mist)


Time to chill out

What in the world by Jon B


Wednesday, 17 September 2014

#ootd


Large Hoop ear rings - Random shop in Peckham
Necklace - New Look
Grey Slouchy Vest - Primark
Denim Shorts - Primark
Yellow Watch - eBay

Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Monday, 15 September 2014

#ootd


Flower Headband - Primark
Black Slouchy vest - Primark
Denim shorts - Primark
Funky necklace - Primark (Super Old) 

Sunday, 14 September 2014

#ootd

So while I was away in Barbados I thought I'd do a few Outfit of the day pics.  So this is what I wore on my flight. I tend to wear the same kinda thing when I fly as I love to be comfortable but also wanna look cute too. I always always always wear leggings just because they're not as restrictive as jeans.


Slouchy beenie hat - H&M
Star Scarf - Primark (very old)
Black Vest - Primark
Mesh Basketball Jersey - Primark
Biker Jacket - New Look
Black Leggings - Primark
Yellow watch - eBay

Saturday, 13 September 2014

Turtle Beach Resort Review

So at the end of August Cali, RD, my mum, my auntie and I went on holiday to Barbados. We flew with Virgin Atlantic and I’m not gonna lie the ride up was kinda bumpy, the bumpiest ride I’ve had to Barbados. Luckily both the kids were completely into all the movies showing on the plane so they were no trouble at all.

The Transfer
Now we didn’t have a transfer included in our holiday so we basically grabbed a cab outside the airport. Now as we had a lot of luggage we got a mini bus kinda cab and paid $47 (Barbados) for it, so don’t let them charge you more than $50.

The hotel
We stayed at the all inclusive Turtle Beach Resort on the South Coast; it’s basically at the bottom end of St Lawrence Gap. It was such a beautiful hotel. Very family friendly and so much for kids to do there, it’s hard for them to get bored. The staff were lovely and friendly and always had time for you.

The room
We had an Ocean front room on the 4th floor (We got upgraded woop woop!) and the room was HUGE! We had a good sized wardrobe, a dressing table, huge chest of drawers, massive TV (with like a billion cable channels on it), like a super King bed, a sofa bed and a single bed and there was still room to wonder about. We also had a drinks chiller and a good sized balcony with 2 sun loungers and a table and chairs there too.

Kids activities
There’s a small kids pool that the kids can have a paddle in as well as the normal sized pools. There is also