Wednesday, 2 March 2016

Is that how I look...?

So I've been going to this parenting course and after a chat the other day about self esteem I realized that people see me completely different to how I see myself. I think maybe how I dress and how I carry myself makes people think I'm very happy and full of confidence and have high self esteem. When a lot of the times, inside I'm feeling the total opposite. Most of the time I feel knackered and that I look like a sack of shit. I have soooo much personal and health issues that most of the time I'm not happy. I'm normally stressed out, depressed, anxious or in pain. I guess because I'm so used to hiding these feelings from my kids that I do well masking it in public.
I used to be the most confident person ever almost like a cocky big head, I loved myself. I was outgoing and had no problems talking to new people and going out to socialise, but now I feel like I'm a shadow of my former self. I also find that when I do go out I tend to hide behind my friends and don't make any real effort to chat to people. Sometimes even if my friends are talking to people I won't even bother joining in I will just wonder off, whereas before I would've joined in the banter.  Maybe that's why I look the way I do on the outside, so that it distracts people from what might be going on inside. 

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