Tuesday, 10 November 2015

Well why don’t you just leave then...?


After seeing way too many videos on Facebook of men beating up their women, I felt the need to write a post about domestic violence. Now the video I’ve posted on my Facebook page (as I can’t manage to post it on my blog) is the most recent video I’ve seen. This man is savaging beating his woman in a bar in full view of other people and although this disgusted me, what actually pissed me off even more was that after this video had been shared a lot of times the actual guy got arrested, it was reported that that the lady he had beat had gone to the police station with him when he surrendered, leading everyone to speculate that she had gone with him to get him off the hook and say that she wasn’t pressing charges. Understandably a lot of people, especially women, were outraged by this, but I think until you’re in that situation you won’t understand how hard it is to get out of it.
With 1.4 million women suffering from domestic violence last year it shows that this very serious problem is still effecting a lot of women and it’s not just the victim that suffers it’s also their kids and sometimes their close family/friends who may be affected by it.
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Now, it’s very easy to say ‘He’s a violent bastard why don’t she just leave?!’ But, with some women, getting beat has become a way of life. Some women even believe if a man hits them it means that he really loves them and only wants the best for them.
Then you have the women who are too scared to leave the relationship as the man has already threatened to beat her even more or to kill her/him/the kids if she leaves, so she ends up staying to save everyone’s life.
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You also have the women who are in denial and think everyone is against her man, so rationalizes every hit he gives her. She then gets defensive and even alienates herself from the friends/family members who have tried to help her to leave.
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Then you have the weak ones, who physically can’t leave as maybe they’re a house wife or have moved miles away from their family; and rely so heavily on their man for support/money that they don’t know how to function or live without them.
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Then there’s the gullible ones who get abused, threaten to leave, then the man apologises, begs for forgiveness and promises not to do it again and they believe him. The man will then be lovely to them and on his best behaviour for a little bit then eventually the violence starts again.
Then you have the ones who hit the man back so don’t even consider what the man is doing to be domestic violence.
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So with all these different types of women it’s now more understandable why a lot of these women either can’t leave, or leave and come back and sometimes then end up getting beaten to death. A lot of women are afraid to speak out about it as they don’t want to suffer from any repercussions if their partner happens to find out. But something more really needs to be done to help these vulnerable women. Domestic violence is such a horrible thing and these ladies not only suffer physically but a lot of the times the mental scars are harder to mend than the physical ones and the women can end up feeling like they deserved to get abused because they feel so worthless. Also because a lot of the time these ladies are isolated they have so many random thoughts with no outlet to express them which can then lead to some kind of nervous breakdown.
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There’s such a stigma attached to domestic violence that people prefer to just keep it quiet behind closed doors and pretend it doesn’t exist. But women are dying from this, when are we going to take a stand and put an end to this and also when men are going to learn that they can’t put their hands on a woman like that.
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Ladies don’t be scared to speak out, please for your own sake, don’t leave it till it’s too late and you’re on the brink of death, you are worth so much more than that. Also don’t be fooled into thinking it was a one off, it’s not! It never is. It will happen again and it will get worse and I’m gonna tell you why it will get worse; because if you don’t leave he will think you will never leave so he has no reason to stop because he knows he can get away with it. If you have kids, think of them, kids learn from what they see and you don’t want them thinking abusive and aggressive behaviour is the norm.
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If you are in an abusive relationship and need someone to talk to you can call the 24 hour national domestic violence helpline that’s run by both Womens Aid and Refuge. Its available 24 hours a day 365 days a year and it goes without saying that all calls are confidential.
Here are some other helpful organisations:
LWA - Living without abuse which gives help and support to anyone suffering abuse.
Refuge - For women and children against domestic violence.
Womens Aid – National charity working to end domestic abuse against women and children. 

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