So this picture was taken in 2013 while I was on holiday in Barbados celebrating my 30th birthday. This was my favourite bikini. I just loved the palm trees and the colours, to me it was like the ultimate holiday bikini. Now this bikini doesn't even nearly fit and when I have tried to squeeze into it my whole life hangs over the top of the bikini bottoms and the bra is just too tight to even do up.
The crazy thing is, I thought I looked like a beach whale in this picture. At the time I felt that I was at my biggest. Clearly when I thought that I didn't realize how big I would be now.
So as I'm planning an exotic beach holiday next year, my goal is to be able to fit back into this bikini and not just fit in it, but look damn good in it too. I used to keep a picture of myself in a bright pink bikini on a beach in Jamaica as my motivation, but those times I was very early 20's and hadn't had kids yet, so I don't even know if my new mummy body can even look like that anymore. So at least this bikini picture was taken after I'd had both kids so I know it's achievable and who knows I met get so into it and loose even more weight which is a bonus.
I was a size 14 in that picture and now I'm a size 18, so now I need to loose 2 dress sizes and for health reasons I also have to loose at least 3 stones. I've been forcing myself to exercise every night, even if I'm knackered. I have also cut down on the late night snacking as that's really what was fucking me up. Also because of my tumour I'm now on 2 sets of tablets that are supposed to help with weight loss so if I still manage to gain more weight with all this extra help then I've really fucked myself over.
But I neeeeeed to do this, a lot of my pretty clothes don't fit and I refuse to buy any new clothes when I have lots of cute clothes. I know I've said this like a billion times before but I need to loose weight!!!!