Wednesday, 4 March 2015

Sooo claustrophobic

So for as long as I can remember I’ve been claustrophobic. I can’t go in lifts, ride the tube or be in a room with no windows. At my worst I can't even go on buses or planes and trains freak me out. I have to sit in a particular place on a bus or train that has a full view of outside, the window can’t have an obstructed view or have that window divider thingy there otherwise it just makes me feel really closed in, which then makes me have panic attacks. It seems to be getting worse and more irrational as I get older and I find myself totally avoiding these things if I can, I haven’t been on a tube in over 10 years and I will only use a lift in an airport because I know there’s always lots of engineers about fixing stuff so if the lift ever got stuck someone could get us out quickly.

I also deal with my plane phobia by
not sleeping the day before my holiday and having a double shot of something strong at the airport so that by the time I’m on the plane I’m too knackered to take in the fact that I’m in an enclosed space and just go to sleep.
Although one thing I’ve never understood is that although I feel claustrophobic on a plane I’m fine in the planes toilets which are tiny and have no windows, it’s weird because I don’t even like spending time in my own toilet as it has no windows but is obviously bigger than the toilets on an airplane.
I’ve also realised recently that I don’t like toilets that have floor to ceiling doors and no gaps as it makes me not only feel closed in but also makes me panic as I think what will happen to me if the lock gets stuck, how will I get out?
A lot of the times small spaces just make me feel like the walls are closing in on me. Also if there’s no windows and I can’t see outside I just can’t concentrate, all I’m thinking is OMG there’s no windows I need to escape.

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