Sunday, 22 February 2015

Obsessed with looking perfect.... In a selfie


There’s a new group of slightly neurotic people who have taken the whole idea of taking the perfect picture to another level. They are now getting extreme plastic surgery procedures done just to look good in a selfie, Hahahahaha, no seriously I’m not even joking (although it so ridiculous it’s actually laughable)
Clearly these people either have some rubbish brick phone with some oldschool low quality camera or they don’t have Google Play therefore are not aware of the billions of apps you can download that give the illusion of the perfect selfie, some apps will even make you look like some flawless super model. Also hello, what are filters for? Seriously if these people haven’t even figured that out then surely selfies are the least of their problems.

Why are people so obsessed with this anyway? OK OK, I’ll admit my Instagram page is full of selfies but I have 3 brilliant apps that I use simultaneously to make me look fabulous which then inspires me to post more just so I can try different effects on them. But what is a selfie in the real world? Let’s face it; the perfect selfie is not going to enrich your life. It’s not going to get you a better job, more money or more friends. Sure it might make you happy for a split second while you receive lots of attention and yeah, it might get you more followers. But realistically what can followers do for you?  When you sign out of your Instagram/Twitter account those people are no longer there. Which means that feeling of security and acceptance you had won’t last long as it’s soon replaced with a new obcession of trying to beat the number of likes you received on your last selfie to gain acceptance from even more people. Which then puts you in some kind of weird competition with yourself where you end up putting unnecessary pressure on yourself just to win, but what is the prize? Your picture posted on the most popular page?

Also I’m sure if you googled it or spoke to any narcissistic person you would pick up many helpful hints and tips on how to up your selfie game. So before running out and spending your life savings on some stupid surgery (and it is stupid, when you could’ve used that money to just invest in a better phone or even a high quality camera) here’s some of my tips on how to take a good selfie:
1.       Download an app that specializes in beauty shots and making you look flawless.
2.       Find somewhere with good lighting (trust me it makes a huge difference)
3.       Decide what your best side is, left/right or do you look better straight on
4.       Hold the phone at an angle so it’s pointing downwards, NEVER hold your phone below your face and shoot upwards you WILL look terrible.

See how much money I saved you, yes, you’re welcome :)

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